It started with a weekend that felt long overdue, and was a celebration of reaching a mutual milestone in life.  And it reminded me how much I've been missing the kind of connection that can't be felt in a text. It's easy to feel like connecting is something we do every day: talking in a group text, leaving a handful of likes, maybe even adding a comment or two. Or, better yet, the occasional coffee or dinner when one single, solitary date on the calendar just happens to be

I did something today that I haven't done in a very long time. I turned my phone off completely during an appointment. And this wasn't a...

I really thought the hardest Mother's Day for me would be the one after my mom died. But I was wrong. It turned out this year, that the worst one is still the one when she was alive, still physically present. I was absolutely unprepared for the kind of pain I felt last Mother's Day. I sat beside her hoping something I said would spark some memory, some kind of recognition. But, nothing did. I still wasn't her only daughter. I still wasn't her last-born. I still wasn't her fa

Caring for someone with dementia is a full-body experience. It’s emotional, physical, and logistical. Some days, what gets you through is a conversation with someone who's in the same season. Other days, it’s having the right tools to help make things a little bit easier for Mom and for me. Before Mom moved to a memory care community, I spent HOURS searching for products that would help both of us — her to stay as independent as long as she could in her own home and me to be

Having gone through the Ugly and the Bad, this is the Good part I didn’t expect. The part where, in the middle of exhaustion and uncertainty, good things still found their way through. Not to make everything better, but to steady me, for just a bit longer, so I could keep going. Part Three: The Good With dementia, grief begins long before the final days. I had already been grieving the loss of my mom for three years. Grieving the way we stopped being family in her mind. Griev

Just like we don't talk about the ugly part of death, I don’t think we talk enough about how complicated being a part of going through the death of another is. You’re not yet in mourning, but you’re also not living life as usual. You’re in a strange holding pattern, a purgatory if you will, where nothing feels steady or real—especially yourself. Part Two: The Bad Three hotels in less than a week, an unstable stretch in an already stressful time. I had no idea how long I would

It's been a week since my mom passed away. I've had a prolonged respite before returning to my daily routine, and during this time, I wrote a three-part reflection on the final week of my mom’s life.  I experienced the ugly, the bad, and the good simultaneously—but each felt distinct enough to need its own space. This is the first part, the Ugly. It’s about what her body went through, what I had to watch happen to my mom, and what I wish I’d known a lot sooner. If you have a

** Trigger warning — this blog is about a hurt animal who died due to trauma I have never believed in coincidences.  I believe in fate:  with people and the connections they make with a new pet coming into your life when you need it most with situations happening exactly when they should, to promote growth  I do, however, believe in Carl Jung’s concept of synchronicity when it comes to “meaningful coincidences.”  This is not like the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, aka the freque

I love my plants and my outdoor meditation area. I love nurturing the plants, watering them, fertilizing them, making sure they have enough sunlight, covering them in cold weather, and, yes, even talking to them when I think they need a little encouragement to keep growing. But, I hate pruning them. It feels cruel, standing there with pruning shears, me being the one who decides which parts live and which parts go. The leaves are still green, there are even still flowers in b

My 50th birthday was almost a week ago. And I really wanted it to just go away. Couldn't I skip from 49 to 51 and be done with it? Because I had a really, really bad feeling about this. The Husband asked me earlier last week what I remember about my birthdays growing up and I told him, "Nothing." I have no actual memories of any of my childhood birthdays, other than the one where I had my one-and-only slumber party with four friends. So, before the big day, I was trying to am

It was bound to happen one day. You can't sit outside and watch the seasons change and witness nature without expecting to see it at least once.  But it was still sad and shocking nonetheless.  I had just come inside from putting out seeds and nuts for the backyard wildlife. When I closed the back door, a red-shouldered hawk swooped down into the oak tree, grabbed a common ground dove, and took off with it.  At first, I thought it was a squirrel, and the tears were about to s

In the memory care community where my mom lives, there are no mirrors. Part of this is for safety—glass can be dangerous—but there's another reason, one that feels much heavier: Mirrors can startle, even frighten, people who have dementia. Seeing a person they don’t recognize can bring on confusion and anxiety. It's unsettling to look into a mirror and not know who's staring back at you. I've been thinking about this CONSTANTLY since yesterday, not recognizing who you see in

2024 was a whirlwind for my life. It was a year of personal realizations, mental and physical health struggles, and choices that have pushed me to reevaluate what lies ahead. As 2025 starts, I'm holding onto the lessons I've learned and the challenges that are ahead, and trying to view them both with a sense of hope. But before I expand on that thought, I'd like to talk about squirrels—because they're always the best metaphor for my life. The Squirrels Always Know On a rare,

I'll admit it. Even though some will think I'll have a supporting role in the next Terminator movie, I'll admit it. I work with AI. Everyday. Some of my clients ask me to start with it and build from it. Others provide me with its results and ask me to add in the human element. I don't have any issues working with AI, especially ChatGPT. “Chip” and I have developed a good working relationship.  For many of my blogs, I've provided Canva’s AI component with a written version o

Recently, I was in a conversation that left me a bit…how can I say it nicely?  Distressed . Annoyed. Frustrated.  Okay, maybe there’s not a nice way to put it.  I was working through a challenging situation with a professional, fully expecting them to tell me, “You’re right! Your concerns are valid, your boundaries are needed, your expectations aren’t beyond what Jesus could meet.”  But instead, the professional asked me to pause and look at myself. Or, more accurately, look

Life has a way of surprising you, especially in areas you like to think you understand.  Dementia Freelancing Losing a pet   Each of these, even though they are not typically related to one another, comes with unseen layers or can’t be understood until you’re living in the midst of them. Dementia is more than two words I was going to apply for a freelance project I recently found on Upwork that was a perfect fit for me—providing feedback on a series of elder care articles. I

Balancing expectations has become a HUGE blessing in my life. In many different areas.  Since May of this year, I’ve been on a personal health journey.  Perimenopause hit about a year ago, and I’ve experienced many of the 53 (and possibly more) symptoms:  Hot flashes for when you want instant summer, anytime, anywhere!  Night sweats are midnight cardio without a treadmill. Mood swings where you cry over any milk, unspilt or otherwise, then laugh five minutes later, then want

These were all the birds I was able to identify using the Merlin App in just one day! One of my favorite new hobbies is bird identification. Since I discovered the Merlin app and Cornell Lab of Ornithology 's bird conservation work, I've become fascinated by birds’ eating, nesting, and social habits. I pay attention to what seeds they like, whether they like nesting in the oak tree, palm tree, or nesting box, and which ones are bullies (Blue Jays and grumpy Common Ground Dov

When my mom was first diagnosed with dementia, I initially didn’t know what to think or where to start. As a caregiver within my family, I’ve walked through brain cancer, breast cancer, leukemia, and other chronic, terminal conditions.  But none of those situations prepared me for a dementia diagnosis.  With the other illnesses, at least there is a treatment plan. Even when the plans don’t work, and you still lose your loved one, there was at least an approach that the doctor

I don't know if my mom had dreams for her life.  She never shared with me if she dreamed of being a teacher, a nurse, or something else when she was growing up.  She never shared with me if there was a certain place she always wanted to see.  She never shared with me any hopes she had for her future.  I know she enjoyed most of the jobs she had Floral delivery driver Fulfillment Specialist  Office Manager Overnight stock clerk I know she was grateful to have been able to see