Taking a two-hour risk

I did something today that I haven't done in a very long time.

I turned my phone off completely during an appointment.

And this wasn't a quick check-up or a 20-minute meeting. The appointment itself was an hour and a half long, probably longer, because this person and I always talk a bit before the time actually starts.

So when you factor in the drive there and back, I was off the grid for nearly two full hours.

No texts, no email alerts, no task pings from a client, and no emergency calls from my mom's care team.

It was... just a bit off-putting.

My phone has been something like an additional limb for the better part of five years. It's always been on. And it's either been in my back pocket, purse, hand, sitting beside me on my gardening chair, in the cupholder of the car, on the kitchen table, on my nightstand, on... well, you get the gist.

For a long time, it was because my mom still lived independently at home, and I had to be ready for whatever she needed me for. Sometimes she would call me in the middle of the night, when her sundowning had started to affect her more, and she thought I was late picking her up to go grocery shopping.

Later, it was her memory care community. I'd see their caller ID flash across the screen and brace myself for whatever followed. Always anticipating that call, the one I dreaded, and still the one I ended up experiencing in March.

So even now, after my mom's passing, I still find myself living as if that call is still coming.

I have remained in response mode and am always accessible.

And it's begun to wear on me.

"Instant availability is being kind" is a myth

As an editor and copywriter, I genuinely want to be helpful to all of my clients because I know their clients are counting on their timely work, AKA, my timely work. So, I am mindful of the different time zones, especially for my West Coast and international clients, and I do my best to be available when they need something.

But over the past few months, I began to realize that the line between being politely responsive and indefinitely reachable had started to blur.

I’m not trying to recreate a 9-to-5 model from my home office. I don't hold to strict office hours, and I don’t want to. I need the mental and physical breaks in the day to produce my best work. So, I enjoy being able to go sit outside whenever I want (need), run errands in the afternoon, or take a morning for appointments, such as today's.

But I also don't want to be someone who's always half-working. My hands are digging in the garden, but my brain is responding to an email. The freedom that comes with owning a business for me is about flexibility, appropriate rest, and intentional balance. It's about me being able to take a break in my own life without feeling like I’m letting a client down.

Boundaries that don't really resemble boundaries

Most advice on work/personal life boundaries is pretty straightforward:

• Set office hours

• Don’t answer messages after 6 pm

• Use scheduling tools

  
  

All of that is valid, and, to some extent, necessary.

But some of the most important boundaries I've learned over the past three years of doing freelance work don't look like "no." They're more based around how I structure my day and my availability.

My phone's work notifications are turned off during periods of rest, not just after hours.

I used to think I was "resting" when I stepped away from my desk. But if my phone was still on and beside me, I wasn't fully resting; I was just waiting. I learned that resting doesn't fully happen if my nervous system is still on call, anticipating a "ping."

I no longer over-explain time off. This has been a BIG one for me. I've had to learn that I don’t need to justify my unavailability due to a dentist appointment, a family matter, or just a personal day. "I'll be unavailable during this time" is enough. I have spent years over-explaining myself, hoping that my reason is "acceptable" to the other party. In reality, I've only been teaching myself that I'm not allowed to take space for myself without having a "good" reason. And that is dumb.

I now have gaps on my calendar for nothing. As one who has an "I have to be productive to be a good person" mentality, it's been so easy to fill every spare slot with "fruitful" tasks. But sometimes I need a break from people and the pressure to make sure every second of my life is "optimized." So, now I build in 10-minute buffers before and after meetings and tasks when I do nothing but meditate (also known as watching squirrels) or take a walk.

I won't mirror urgency that isn't mine. If a client sends a message with "urgent" vibes, I still take a few minutes before responding, typically. (I do have this one client that I just adore working with and would probably respond to them at 3 am if they needed me.) In the past, I've mirrored back intensity to show how much I care. But I've learned that sometimes the kindest and most professional response on my part is a calmer one.

My availability does not equal my reliability

What I have slowly learned over these past few months is that being available all the time doesn't make me a better business owner, editor, or writer.

It just confuses my availability with my dependability, and those two things are not the same.

And besides, trying to be on all the time makes me stretched too thin. And way too tired.

My clients have never asked me to be always on. I'm the one who wrote that chapter in my book, and I'm the only one who can rewrite it.

So, today, when I turned my phone back on?

Nothing had fallen apart. Everything was still as I had left it.

And I felt rejuvenated and ready to face the rest of my day, the rest of my week.

Sounds like that two-hour risk was worth every minute.